Sorrow looks back, worry looks around, but faith looks up.
My favourite palindrome
Doctor Reubenstein was shocked and dismayed when he answered the ringing
telephone, only to hear a strange, metallic, alien voice say, "Yasec iovn
eilacilla temeg! Nartsa raehoty lnoenoh pelet gnig, nirehtde rewsnaehn ehw.
Deya! Msid! Dnadek cohssaw nietsne buerro, tcod?"
Weird Al Yankovic has a palindrome song, called Bob, which is of course a palindrome, too!
Things to ponder:
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
Do pediatricians play mini golf on Wednesdays?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Do amphibians have to wait an hour after eating, before getting out of the water?
Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant sort of like making a peeing section in a pool?
Author unknown:
Write a wise saying, and your name will live forever.
Anonymous artist, on the price of her work
The labor is its own reward.
Anonymous Maths teacher
Any comments, questions, moans, groans, gripes and complaints?
One original thought is worth more than a thousand mindless quotations.
The large print giveth; The small print taketh away.
If you want to make God laugh, tell him what you're doing tomorrow.
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
I don't understand Christianity, nor do I understand electricity,
but I don't intend to sit in the dark until I do!
You know there is a problem with the education
system when you realize that out of the three R's,
only one begins with an R.
Some people get up early so they can go for a run.
I get up late so that I have to!
Celibate: A member of a union opposed to the union of members.
Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for
word what you shouldn't have said.
I like jazz, except when it sounds as though the musicians are making it up as they go
along.
A book is a present you can open again and again.
98% of all statistics are made up.
Young man: Grandad, what did you wear for safe sex?
Grandad: A wedding ring.
Wouldn't the sentence 'I want to put a hyphen between the words Fish and
And and And and Chips in my Fish-And-Chips sign' have been clearer if
quotation marks had been placed before Fish, and between Fish and and, and
and and And, and And and and, and and and And, and And and and, and and and
Chips, as well as after Chips?
Anonymous Australian politician, cited by George Negus, TV journalist:
"It's no exaggeration that the Undecideds could go one way or the other!"
If you think hiring professionals is expensive, try hiring amateurs.
If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualise world
peace for an hour,
imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting started.
I tried atheism for a while, but my faith just wasn't strong
enough.
Learn from the mistakes of others.
You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.
Did you hear the one about the statistician who drowned in a lake with an average depth of 9 inches?
Teachers are those who help us in resolving problems which, without them, we wouldn't have.
My wife says I never listen to her. At least I think that's what she said.
Life can only be understood backwards but it must be lived forwards
A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty.
He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.
I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.
WARNING: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
They said procrastination
Was the source of all my sorrow
I don't know what that big word means --
I'll look it up tomorrow
To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.
I heard that if you locked William Shakespeare in a room with a
typewriter for long enough, he'd eventually write all the songs by the Monkees
Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an
acquaintance, or a stranger.
It is better to listen in order to understand
than to listen in order to reply.
A lot of good arguments are spoiled by some fool who knows what he is talking about.
The only problem with being a man of leisure is that you can never stop
and take a rest.
Those who forget the pasta are condemned to reheat it.
Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news - the good news is that
you are not a hypochondriac.
I want to die in my sleep peacefully like my grandfather,
not screaming in terror like his passengers.
Miscellaneous Proverbs
Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without.
African
If you can talk, you can sing. If you can walk, you can dance.
Arabian
Write bad things that are done to you in sand, but write the good things that happen to you on a piece of marble.
Chinese
A single conversation across the table with a wise man is worth a month's study of books.
English
Use soft words and hard arguments.
What can be done at any time is never done at all.
Ibo
Success is getting what you want and happiness is wanting what you get.
Japanese
The reverse side also has a reverse side.
Russian
The church is near but the road is icy; the tavern is far away but I will walk carefully.
Yiddish
When one must, one can.
Yugoslavian
Tell the truth and run.
This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and
Nobody.
There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure
that Somebody would do it.
Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did
it.
Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job.
Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realised that
Everybody wouldn't do it.
It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody
when Nobody did what Anybody could have.
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